i don’t want blogging to be dead

i logged into my feed reader this morning to find… nothing. it made me sad. i used to love reading most of these blogs every day, essays and updates and inspiration from everywhere. i don’t blame people for not posting. even my own blog has suffered as i have tried to do something bigger than i am. you end up having to let things go, even if you’re just living your normal life.

i wish i could just hit the brakes on all the things right now. i want to make the world slow again. i think we did more as people, because we weren’t so busy being… well, busy all the time. i think moments and relationships were more meaningful. so were holidays.

but even i don’t sit down very often and live into my life. my kids are a force, the older two doing school and making friends and the littlest one being a full-time two-year-old. i like them. they make me crazy. i try to teach them how to lead meaningful lives and not just go from one thing to the next.

i bake bread for them, and i use my crockpot three times per week. i light candles into chaos and i try to think about words i would write while i am doing dishes. i want to write poetry again. i don’t believe i have it in me anymore. everything is “yes, no, we’re not going to do that, we need these groceries, clean up after yourself, do your chores, please just leave me alone for a little bit…”

Technically, i am taking some time off from my business over the holidays, but it’s not really time off. i’m actually working on a personal project that is very close to my heart. i’m trying to decide if i could publish a real book from this shoot. i don’t even know where to begin. i don’t know who i could hire to help me begin. it’s funny realizing how much i need others to help me achieve my dreams now.

proper capitalization will probably be important if i want to get any words published. except here. i can do what i like here, and i’m going to keep trying that. possibility, my friend sarah, says. here’s to making possibility, and to making a life right here inside it.

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