It is easier not to blog right now. Not to write down things that have hurt me, not to dwell on dreams or plans or any vision for anything but what is right in front of me. Not to make time for words that might make my feelings more real, not to let anyone past the fragile veneer my art offers as a cloak some of the time.
But I think I don’t need easy. I think I need to re-begin the hard work of existence here, to re-try being a person in a world that isn’t begging for me to show up.
I’m thinking I will make a series here, starting with a deep prompt about direction from my photographer friend Christina. I need forward movement again. I need to stop being afraid of my own voice, to see myself believing in myself enough to push “publish” and live out loud in the world again, introvert or not. I may even make time to share my work here again, keep puttering with my website and make a place for it to live a little beyond my delivery archives. I have lookbook goals and printing goals and publication goals and thoughts about new ways to do better work and to collaborate with new people and have the business I want to have that doesn’t look like everyone else’s business. I have a word for this year (I know that is so out now), and it matters to me, and I want to explore it in writing.
I need to say words for me again. I need to stop being silent and letting everyone else tell me who they think I should be. I want to make art for me again. I want to be here at my blog again, even if nobody sees me or reads what I have to say.
If you’re reading here and I’m not just writing into a void, leave me a note. Tell me what it is you need today. Tell me why you need it. Tell me why you’re telling me. Tell me what brought you here. Let’s be people together in a very big world that often writes people off with its spinning.